Let’s just say I’ve been going through changes. I’m up, then I’m down, then I go lower, then back to okay, and then down again. It’s exhausting. My head is one hot mess. Of course, I’m the only one who gets to witness this, since it’s all me, all the time. That’s a lot to handle. So my internal dialogue often is shared with Valentine. Valentine is my freaken adorable, yet bratty pug. I have been reduced to talking to him like he understands what I’m saying. I tell him things like “you’re the only man who will ever love me”, “tell me what I should do”, and “I’m not crazy, right?”. As I talk to him, looks at me with his big buggy eyes and excessively licks me. Or he spazes out and runs around the apartment in the middle of our discussion, with a toy in his mouth, sounding all emphysemic. So yeah. This is my life alone.
Wah, what a pity party, right?
I deal with depression, give me some slack, geez! I’ve been through a lot.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and enjoy your life. Look at your blessings.
Easier said than done. I feel all alone and it’s hard to move past that.
Other people have it worse. Stop focusing on what you are missing, focus on what you have.
Blah, it’s too hard to do that. I just want to lay in bed and hide from the world.
You are ridiculous! Stop being so dramatic!
But I am dramatic! Leave me alone!
See, this is the internal dialogue I have to put up with. It’s not fun. I figure as long as I’m not acting it out and using different voices, I’m still sane. So that’s where I’m at. Where are you?