Pain and Resilience

I know pain. I know deep, emotional pain, the kind you can’t get away from. I know what it’s like to be suicidal. To think about death. I’ve thought about dying, wished to die, wanted to die. I’ve thought about ways I could do it, walk into traffic, drive over a ledge, that kind of stuff. I’ve had thoughts like “If I just took one wrong turn…” or “Just one step is all that is keeping me alive right now”. I know what it’s like to want to crawl out of your own skin and try to runaway, only to realize you can’t outrun yourself. I know dehabilitating depression, where it hurts just laying in bed and knowing that you are still breathing. I know what it’s like to want to cry but not have any energy or tears to do so. I know what it’s like to want to curl up in fetal position and wish that the earth would swallow you up to end your misery. I know numb. I know how to stop the feeling and the strange calm it temporarily brings. I know pain. But I’m still here. I’m still fighting. My biggest struggles are with myself. But still, I try. I’m alive. And I fight to live.

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About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

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