I know pain. I know deep, emotional pain, the kind you can’t get away from. I know what it’s like to be suicidal. To think about death. I’ve thought about dying, wished to die, wanted to die. I’ve thought about ways I could do it, walk into traffic, drive over a ledge, that kind of stuff. I’ve had thoughts like “If I just took one wrong turn…” or “Just one step is all that is keeping me alive right now”. I know what it’s like to want to crawl out of your own skin and try to runaway, only to realize you can’t outrun yourself. I know dehabilitating depression, where it hurts just laying in bed and knowing that you are still breathing. I know what it’s like to want to cry but not have any energy or tears to do so. I know what it’s like to want to curl up in fetal position and wish that the earth would swallow you up to end your misery. I know numb. I know how to stop the feeling and the strange calm it temporarily brings. I know pain. But I’m still here. I’m still fighting. My biggest struggles are with myself. But still, I try. I’m alive. And I fight to live.
November 16, 2014
Pain and Resilience
I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos
This entry was posted on Sunday, November 16th, 2014 at 2:14 am and posted in Depression, Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep.