Depression Series: The ugly side of the monster

I scream, I hit, I throw things in a rage. But it is all in my head. Instead, I am sitting, dull and lifeless. Moving is too much of a burden to bear.

My eyes are dull, but my tounge is sharp. It cuts for blood. To hurt.

I hurt her emotionally and it feels good. I want her to hurt the way I hurt. But I know it’s cruel, I know it’s unfair. My mind fights itself, guilty and gleeful all at once.

I want to stop, but I can’t. I hate the monster in me but I give into it. I am weak, but I try. I feel myself drowning, suffocating in the grasp of this disease.

I hurt the one I love the most because it’s so easy. I hate myself for this, but it isn’t really me who does it. I feel like my body splits in half, one side, the good, the real me, the other side, evil, the disease, the monster.

I want to cry and scream and curse and faint and die and fall apart all at once.

Advertisements

About samlobos

I am an avid fan of creating narratives in my head about random experiences and quotes for future books I will probably not write. I harbor a 15 year old girl in my psyche and like to solve world issues when I'm half asleep. View all posts by samlobos

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: