I’m forgetting what it feels like to connect with someone
Like really connect
I feel like I’ve been playing pretend
Pretending we belong together
That we understand each other
But you’re a stranger
And a moody one at that
When I’m lying naked next to you and you choose to be moody instead of exploring me, I have to wonder…is it over?
I don’t want it to be
But this is not what I wanted
Am I a coward for wanting to keep trying?
For hoping it will magically get better?
We go in waves
But we have more downs than ups
Am I willing to be okay with this?
When is it enough?
You say everyone has problems
But is everyone this unhappy?
I’m trying because I want us to work, I want our little family together
And also, I’m scared
I’m scared of the unknown
I’m scared of shared custody
I’m scared of my dreams coming to a halt
I’m scared of dying alone
But I’m getting braver
With each time
I’m starting to see a future without me and you
I’m starting to feel less scared of it
I’m starting to be okay without you
I’m starting to feel like I could be better off on my own
And that should scare you