Me and my husband (Mr. Artist) went to visit my sister last month. She and her husband just had a baby and we are trying to spend some time getting to know him.
During our visit, the four of us related to marriage trials and errors. My sister, upon hearing that Mr. Artist and I are going to couples counseling, stated, “You would never know it, you guys are like two peas in a pod”
We both insisted that we work very hard at our relationship and that’s the only reason we seem to be like “two peas in a pod”
She replied, “Well, don’t tell anyone because you’d never know it”
I’m not the type of person who tries to pretend to have a perfect life
I often think that people, who put up the appearance of how wonderful everything is going all the time, are usually avoiding some ugly truth and are overcompensating for it
So I lay it all out, the beautiful and the ugly because I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been or is going through this and if my story can help someone feel less alone, or even hopeful, then I’ve done something good with what I’ve been given
Saturday was our couples session and things got laid out on the table
If you’re honest, you say things in session that you never thought you’d say out loud
You risk the chance of appearing petty, pathetic, and damaged in front of a total stranger because if you don’t take that chance, you might not stay married
You swallow your pride
You accept that you are not always right
You learn how to put your sword down
And if you are lucky, your partner does the same
As it turns out, I am lucky
So we are trying to repair the damage of our relapse
We both recognize that at this moment in time, we need more consistent support to get to where we want to be, so we are going to attend couple’s a bit more frequently
The first year of marriage sets the foundation for it
There are habits, beliefs, and resentments on both of our parts that have been contributing to our difficulty with intimacy, both physical and emotional
And that is the work
We have to confront these things, accept our responsibility in them (even if one person has more than the other), and try to change
We actually had a good weekend after our session
He tried, I tried
Together we connected better
But the key is to maintain and build so that we don’t regress
I don’t want to regress
And changing to where we do better is the hardest part
This is where we are at now
I have hope
And hope is everything
